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It takes courage and self-belief to confront addicts.
They will deny and deflect, blaming you for their problems. But for those who do, the release from their shame is the first step. They may not understand it, but they don’t need to.
Sex addiction – a term that might make you think of Michael Douglas or Tiger Woods – is a real and common problem among Irish men.
Here the wife of a recovering sex addict describes the effect of his pornography dependence on their marriage YOUR INTERNET connection fails and you’re on deadline.
The term was widely used again in the recent coverage of Tiger Woods’s affairs. My partner was always working, looking for work, making money for us, he said. I raged against his lack of interest in me and our children. Our marriage was in trouble, yet neither of us had the courage to admit it. And then finally, in yet another row, I brought up the pornography. I wanted to know if it was on the home computer, because our son was on the PC at every opportunity.
His business in construction was drying up, and he was panicked. I still didn’t think it was having an undue influence on his behaviour, but I demanded to know why he was interested in its imagery rather than in me. This was the first time I considered what I was seeing as the debasement of women.
This takes more time and money, and for it to work you need to find someone you like.
We tried several unsuccessfully before someone suggested Accord.
I saw a man made miserable by his addiction, and I wanted to help.
This was how he stopped himself going over the brink, unable to articulate how he was really feeling, keeping it all in, bottling it up. As I realised the gravity of the problem, a strange calm came over me. For the first time in years I felt I had some control over my life, because I finally had the complete picture. As with all addictions, the addict has to want to change his or her behaviour.
Addiction to pornography is stealthily destroying family life, and all because most of us are too ashamed to admit it – I use the plural pronoun because it is a family problem and affects every member of that unit.
They just need to lend supportive shoulders to hold you up.
Once this darkness is given light, its hold on family life evaporates.